Teamspeak Takeovers - The Mother of all Psychological Damage (A scientific process)

Teamspeak Takeover - by far the most effective and most difficult of all gaming techniques. Victims of this technique have a 95% chance of suicide in 5-10 days after realization upon noobness. Survivors are subject but not limited to the following irrevocable side effects: chronic diahrea, inability to ever get a positive ratio, lack of trust, and being clanless.

One day while playing SOF2, our clan came upon the worst clan I/we have ever witnessed in our gaming careers. The |SaW| clan. Full of nothing but indescribable and unprecedented terrible skills, this clan managed to have the most popular of SOF2 servers. Does anyone else notice this by the way? Seems to be the case in every game I've played. Anyways, at some point, me, Heatwave, and V came up with this idea to infiltrate the |SaW| clan's Teamspeak. This is how the experiment went down:

Purpose: To show newbs how bad they really are at not only the game, but life.

Materials:
1. Ridiculously bad newbs in a ridiculously bad clan, and boy, do I mean RIDICULOUSLY. (contrary to common belief, the "ridiculously bad newb" is not an endangered species. Unfortunately, this species is breeding uncontrollably.)
2. Ridiculously bad clan with Teamspeak.
3. Intelligence on all you can gather about the least active ridiculously bad newb in the ridiculously bad clan.
4. Spare time and Sunny D.

Hypothesis: Once ridiculously bad clan Teamspeak is taken control of, ridiculously bad newbs will argue with each other about how this could have happened. Arguing will escalate into a clan breakup, causing Class 5 Radiation levels of Psychological Damage. The Psychological Damage will linger in the remains of the Teamspeak until all clan members commit suicide and the Teamspeak's server bills are henceforth never paid.

Procedure: (Disclaimer: The following uses real names of real people. These names are not changed to protect anyone because all of these people committed suicide, after realizing how bad they were at everything) Heatwave found out that |SaW|'s least active player was |SaW|R3D0CT0B3R, whom which had been inactive for about 6 months.

• Phase 1: I entered the |SaW| server with the name |SaW|R3D0CT0B3R. I started talking to the |SaW| players by saying such non-suspicious things like: "A virus destroyed my computer and I had to reformat" "Can I get the teamspeak password, server password, and copies of the key's to all your homes?" (exaggerated reenacment).
• Phase 2: After obtaining the passwords with Phase 1, I proceeded to join their Teamspeak several times accomplishing a new objective each time in the following order:
  
  1. Join and disconnect quickly with the default name documenting how they have their names setup on Teamspeak.
  2. Join after waiting about 5 minutes from 1. with the name r3doctob3r to blend in with the other members.
  3. Turn off your microphone ASAP, in order to show the no-microphone connected icon, showing your computer is still broken.
  4. Remain idle, until you are dragged into their main channel, and they begin to question you. Do not worry. Act casual, and say your microphone is broken.
  5. When they tell you how to enable your microphone, do it. Re-enable your microphone, and transmit nothingness. This will make them think of new ways to fix your Teamspeak.
  6. Remain idle, documenting valuable information that would make you more of a local. We gathered such information from questions like "How's the flower shop going?" "Thought you worked from 6-9pm?" "Hey there's this >>db: guy in our server, pretty sure hes hacking". These questions were answered with "Bouncing along slowly." "Closed up shop early today, wasn't feeling well". "Yeah, >>db: has always been suspicious"
     
  7. Eventually when the time is right (trust me, you'll know when), say that you need them to enable a codec for your microphone by selecting your name and doing Ctrl+E.
  8. As soon as you obtain server admin (because their ridiculously bad newbs who didn't know they just gave me server admin), make as many accounts as fast as you can, saving the usernames and passwords in a text file.
     
  9. Tell them you'll be back later, and report back to >>db: headquarters for de-briefing
     

• Phase 3: Assign the accounts you obtained to your clan members and plan a raid on the enemy Teamspeak. Use login names such as "BIG GAY AL" "BIG GAY PATRICK" "BIG GAY STEVE" "BIG GAY LEEROY" and have everyone login at the exact same time.
• Phase 4: Immediately strip all of the |SaW| members of their server admin, herd them all into one channel and mute them. Begin talking in a classic True Lies, Arnold Schwarzenegger digitally modified terrorist voice, and say anything you like.
  
• Phase 5: Drink Sunny D for your victory of successfully completing a Teamspeak Takeover, and have fun destroying the mind of a ridiculously bad newb.
• ***Phase 6***: The newbs forget to delete an account that wasn't used in the assault. Go back in 1-2 hours later, and record the aftermath without them noticing someone random in their channel with (Rec) next to their name on..........No surprise really, because not only are we still dealing with ridiculously bad newbs in a ridiculously bad clan, we are dealing with ridiculously bad newbs in a ridiculously bad clan who have sustained the highest level of Psychological Damage possible in an instant.

***Optional or not possible, but was possible in our case

Results: Total and complete success. What we were able to record in Phase 6 was priceless. Some of the things said were "It was that darn >>db: clan John. The name of the game is infiltration, and that >>db: clan got us good." "Did Froggy do this to us?" "No it wasn't Froggy." "Are you sure Froggy didn't do this to us?" "God dammit, I told you guys Froggy didn't do this, I know him really well." "Well then who the **** did this ****" "Guy's just calm down" "No I'm not gonna calm down, we just had our **** hacked"

Conclusion: A ridiculously bad clan in shambles, a ridiculously good clan about to die from laughter, and a few empty bottles of Sunny D. Also, somewhere out irl, mysterious corpses are discovered in random states.

FAQ
Q: Is this process repeatable?
A: Yes

Q: We're any newbs harmed in the making of this technique?
A: Yes! And in real life too! But that was due to suicide, an all too common result of the highest level of Psychological Damage.

Q: Did this actually happen? And are you serious? Can a clan really be that stupid?
A: Unfortunately, yes.